Why do we want what we want?

“I have tried sedulously not to laugh at the acts of man, nor to lament them, nor to detest them, but to understand them.” ~  Baruch Spinoza

You know that feeling? You’re caught in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions—about your life, your work, your relationships—and you want to make sense of it all. But then reality hits, and you’re not really sure what you want. Most of what you think you desire might not actually be your own wants, but routines, habits, and influences you’ve internalized over time.

This realization led me to take a very different approach with my upcoming book, “Unwinding Want.” Instead of offering how-tos or quick fixes, I started digging deeper. What if we could understand the very core of why we want what we want? Imagine a world where self-awareness replaces unconscious programming, and authentic living trumps societal expectations. That’s the kind of change I believe is possible.

Here’s the thing: our entire lives—assumptions, experiences, hopes, fears—weave a story that silently dictates our wants and how we perceive reality. What we think we want often becomes a shield, a way to defend our conditioned behaviors instead of sparking genuine curiosity about our true wants. It’s like a hypnotic trance—difficult to break free from and often invisible to those caught in its spell.

“Unwinding Want” aims to shatter that illusion. It’s not about telling anyone how to live, but about igniting a spark of self-inquiry within ourselves and those around us. Through thought-provoking insights, it guides readers to uncover their hidden motivations and understand the true desires driving their actions. It’s about waking up from the hypnosis of conditioning and rediscovering your natural intelligence and innermost being.

In the coming weeks, “Unwinding Want” will be making its way into the world. My hope is that it becomes more than just a book—a catalyst for more engaged, honest, and fulfilling lives. The book explores some provocative ideas about what we believe, why we want what we want, and how to live without the regrets that plague so many at the end of their lives.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and engaging in meaningful conversations about what it truly means to live a life aligned with what you truly want. Let me know how I can help enable deeper connections and more passionate relationships.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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Stay passionate!