“You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.” ~ Alan Watts
Have you ever heard the expression, “You’re It!”? It’s a pithy way of communicating that you, as an individual human being, are not a separate entity. Rather, like a ripple in a lake, you are a temporary manifestation of a much greater, transcendent whole; i.e., God, the universal consciousness, the life force, the infinite spirit.
And that’s absolutely true!
However, it is also true that, right now, you are the unique energy of that whole as flesh, blood, memories, and feelings. The pain you feel in your arthritic hip is you. The anxiety you experience when meeting new people is you. The tears that well up in your eyes when you see a suffering animal? That’s you, too!
But there is one thing that is definitely not you.
A little more that five years ago, the Universe gave me a little shove—“Tag, Tom! You’re it!”—which sent me flying. When I landed, my quadricep tendon was detached from my kneecap. The “it” of that experience was painful and the healing process was long, but “it” wasn’t “me.” It was simply a happening.
I didn’t realize that “it” wasn’t me until much later during a follow up visit with my surgeon. I had spent many painful months, stretching and working out to get my leg to do what I wanted it to do. It wasn’t back to how it was before the injury—it never would be—but it was all I had. It was me, with the holes in my kneecap, internal sutures, scarred tissue and various memories. And I was going to make the best of it.
I was sitting on the examination table in my doctor’s office, and he was at his desk writing something (most likely illegibly), when he put down his pen and waved me over. As I stepped off of the table and walked towards him, I noticed that his gaze was fixated on my leg. Finally, as I stood at his desk waiting for his instructions, he looked up into my eyes and said something unexpected and life-changing.
“Why were you limping?”
“What?! I wasn’t limping,” I replied, somewhat defiantly.
“Oh yes you were! And knock it off!”
And that was it. That was his expert diagnosis and prescription, and pretty much the extent of my visit. I walked out of his office that day, and I have never limped again. Why not? Because he made it crystal clear to me that I was not that incident—I was not my past—and I needed to let it go and stop dragging it around with me.
When I limped over to his desk, for that very last time, I couldn’t help myself because I wasn’t aware that I was doing it. It was an unconscious reaction to my trauma. The happening had been wired into my memories and stored in my cells, such that my nervous system was doing me. Sure, the happening wasn’t me, but the effects certainly were.
That is, until they weren’t.
The same is true of all experiences. The effects are you—the feelings, reactions, and unconscious beliefs. But you are not, nor have you ever been, the happenings. This is a difficult distinction to feel. You are not the “it” of your upbringing, no matter what your feelings may be telling you. You are not the “it” of your past decisions, whether thoughtful or impulsive. And you are certainly not the “it” of your environment, no matter what the people around you are telling you, or have told you, about who they think you are or will be.
Let me try to be crystal clear.
All of your experiences have had an effect on you, just like my slip and fall has had an effect on me. But those experiences are not you, and you do not have to limp your way through life. You just have to become aware, like I did, that you are not your past. You are not what you have done and you are not what has happened to you. Once that becomes clear, once you see the absolute truth of that statement, you can get on with the life-affirming work of healing and growth.
“Unwinding Want,” my new book releasing later this month, distills years of exploration into human identity, belief, and behavior change. It offers insights to help you identify your unconscious “limps”—ingrained patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you. If you approach it with curiosity and reflect deeply on its ideas, I’m confident you’ll discover something unexpected that will change your life.
Stay passionate!
Tagged
Two old and interesting men / aboard an old and slow / boat to Torshavn / each with half an arm — / (one has a right arm and a half, / the other a left arm and a half.) Every fourth / person on board has a cane /
and one in ten uses a walker.
They all greet me / with open-faced smiles! / More alive and joyful / than others less afflicted / and one third / their age.
AND YES, I get to choose again and again, as long as there is breath and life in me....that's the amazing human we are...we are "becoming" never fixed.